Loving From Strengths

A thought that comes up from a post I read in Relevant magazine.

Do you love from insecurities or do you love from strengths?

Although the question sounds very simple with obvious answer, I used to missed the obvious. And I'm sure many have also missed this obvious for the lack of better relationship education. Hopefully this can help give light to the obvious for you (in case you've missed it too) :)

Insecurities - What can you do for me?
Strengths - What can I do for you?

Loving out of insecurities demands from others. It's an uncomfortable feeling you experience when you see others succeed more than yourself. They just can't get it right. They don't understand you enough. They don't try to love you enough. You don't feel loved and cared and appreciated for because their efforts aren't visible to your eyes.

You don't want to be affectionate because you think they aren't deserving. They need to apologise first because you are the one being wronged. And even if you're the one with the mistakes, you expect them to understand that it is a tough and difficult day for you. You want people to readily forgive and extend their loving arms to you when you need those.

You want people to always be around. They need to learn to be more available, more responsible, more committed, more and more etc.

You see that relationship's all about expectation. I see loving out of insecurities as a way to force our expectation into people's lives. This is very illogical since everyone will eventually do what's best according to their personal principles and values.

The irony is, loving out of insecurities screams out fear. It is about our anxiety of being alone and lonely. It is about feigning 'love' as a tool to manipulate people into doing things according to 'our best interest' instead of their best interest.

Some people consciously choose to stay in an unwise/destructive relationship because that's the only option left. I'm very tempted to say that two insecure people staying together is a very bad recipe for healthy relationship/friendship, but I know many people who seem to be doing just fine. Commitment is a big contributing factor to this success.

Noone's perfect and no relationship will ever be perfect. It comes back again to our expectation.

So how do I think I'll recognize loving out of strengths?

It is when I'm willing to give. Sacrifice. Put effort and work on things toward the better future of the relationship. It starts with the mindset of 'What can I do for him/her?'

What can I do for my family? Plenty. I can start picking up the small, ignored necessary details of life by helping them with phone bill discount info, promo stuffs, credit card saving tips, or whatever administrative stuffs that is such a bore but I'll do it because it's one way to express my love. Or I can say "I miss you", let them know that their presence matters, appreciate their commitment by saying thanks often, etc. I can also go supermarket and shop some fatty snacks just because I know we all enjoy the guilty feelings of nighttime snacking together. Or I can simply go to my parent's bedroom and watch TV together with them.

There are countless ways, actually, to show love to people. Even a sincere how are you or are you okay question makes a difference when our heart is sincerely wanting to know how people are doing. Simply put, loving from strengths mean when I'm able to treat others with this 'What can I do for you' mindset. And in order to have 100% success rate of doing that, I'll need to be healthy. To be healthy, I need to stay close and connected to Jesus, by prayer and persistent daily devotion.

God is amazing. What can I do for you? :)

Lamp On A Stand

Luke 8:16-21

“No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them.”

Now Jesus’ mother and brothers came to see him, but they were not able to get near him because of the crowd. Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.”

He replied, “My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.”

Jesus was talking about the parables of seeds in the verses before this, saying how different seeds (God's Words) thrown at different soil condition/location (human's heart) will produce different results (faith and life change).

I'm thinking, what does it mean with whoever has will be given more? What does it mean by whoever that does not have, even what they think they have will be taken from them? Does the has refers to material possession? Or God's light? Or has as in people who have listened to God's Words?

“My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” This line also puts emphasis on Jesus' definition of listening to God's words. Hearing without doing is pointless, I guess, just like faith without action is a dead, empty faith. A change of one's course of action comes naturally with a change of heart.

"No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light." No one who's experienced God's love and built intimate relationship with Jesus will be able to suppress the urge to spread His words. It's similar to a glass filled with an endless stream of fresh water. It overflows.

Being filled with God's love is like a heart overflowing with compassion, joy, peace, gentleness, and warmth. Which being on earth doesn't desire that kind of heart? It is like an internal force from within us, unable to resist the pressure of love oozing out of our self. God is supernaturally amazing.

Prayer today: Thank you Lord for your great love for me. Thank you for reaching out to me first, and make me realise that everything else in life is connected to You. Dear God, teach me to surrender my life even more and to rely on Your guidance even more. Open my eyes to see life more clearly, so I can understand Your wisdom and know Your heart deeper. Make me humbler, guard the light You've put in my heart, and teach me to obey Your instructions. Tell me more about discipline, Lord. In Jesus name I pray, amen.